This is a post that just appeared on my Tumblr dashboard. I am quite fed up of this kind of things that I keep seeing around, so I will just be sincere and comment that post honestly, from my point of view. I am sorry this is a bit of a useless post: I am going ahead and posting it anyway because I need to use my anger and stress constructively.
First of all. If you need to write such a list, you have some problems with directing your affection. I feel lonely and sad and I miss people and I wish people would like to spend their time with me and not running after other people who do not ”deserve” them…, but I get over it, try to be a nice person even with them and, at most, I talk with my friends about my craziness. I do not write a list of things to sell myself as a potential beautiful girlfriend.
In the second place, let’s look at the title: “If you were mine”. This is another thing that I find disgusting -I know that, in this case, it’s ME who is being weird. Still, using a possessive pronoun to define a person inevitably makes me think about feuds and exchanging a basket of bread for a night (Do you remember the scene in “The Name of the Rose”, where the monk should pay a pig’s heart to the girl who came to sleep with him?).
Yesterday I was talking with a few people about organising a Miss University context to raise funds for charity, and one of them clearly stated that we would need a jury to select who could and could not participate, because he’d only want fit girls on the runway. Which kinda defeats the whole purpose of doing it for charity, really: if I want to volunteer with, let’s say, kids animation programmes, they will not look into how big my smile is and how cute my ‘baby voice’ is. Also, I would feel so insulted that I would not give money for that runway and I would discourage anyone from doing so: whereas it is true that fashion has certain rules, or I’d better say ‘canons’, a runway organised for charity should be open to anyone who would like to contribute. And the female runway should take place right before the male one… to avoid sexism, you know. And because I would like to be in the jury for the male runway and be as horrible to the person who defined a fit girls’ attributes as he was when talking about his ideas. This is something else I do not understand: the ugliest people always feel the right to judge other people’s bodies+faces+attitudes+attractiveness: don’t you have a mirror anywhere in your house?! I know I am not fit and I certainly do not look beautiful, so I avoid commenting on others’ levels of beauty… is talking about beauty and judging people’s looks really all about “looking at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and paying no attention to the plank in your own eye”?
But back to the list -have you read how many horribly awful things there are on it?, let me highlight to you just a few. “Photograph you” sounds really, really creepy. A stalker would take so many pictures of me to fill a whole room dedicated to my cult, but… a partner?, a partner should know how much I hate seeing pictures of me and should therefore take a really small number of photographs! And then “Save you from spiders”, well, no, thanks: I am a grown up who could do so herself, thank you for the thought though. Also, spiders are not gonna kill me (unfortunately, I am not in Australia yet and I do not usually meet the massive yellow spiders that could), so that’s really a bit of an exaggeration. But if you want to “protect me from monsters inside my head”, you’re more than welcome to do so -I would imagine that if I cannot control what is going on in my head myself and a doctor has not been able to help me, your “unconditional love” could solve every problem, right?
Just re-reading that list made my blood boil. I do not even know why I took this so personally… possibly I would simply need someone to “remind me everyday how lovely I am” not to become so bitter…?