Experience and exhaustion

Late night blogging -my usual style.
I mean, all the best ideas come either from experience or from exhaustion, and I think that this idea came to me thanks to both.

I was thinking about “sorry” -the word and the meaning.

I was thinking about the word itself this morning -I’ve woken up around 6 and realised I had nothing to do, so I went out for a walk and ended up in a field. It reminded me of last July, when I went with some friends for a trip in the countryside and me and another friend separated a bit from the group. And in that moment I had thought about another friend, whose family name resembles the word “sorry”. Complicated, uh?, that’s just my mind at 7.20 am.

Anyway, I was thinking about it, about the fact that it has an interesting shape, with those two “r“s right after the “s” and…, also, it’s a funny word. When you repeat the same word a number of times, it loses its meaning… while this particular word just keeps changing shape, in some weird way. I cannot explain it, and it probably is true only for me in my stupid mind, but… try, you’ll see what I mean!

Mmh. So, I was thinking about all this interesting stuff while walking in the mud and listening to songs I used to love four years ago (still… listening to ‘Savior’ by 30 Seconds to Mars was interesting. I might need to reflect again on it!) and came to the conclusion that, even if it’s such a banal and misused word, it still is necessary to mention it: when you want to sincerely apologise, I cannot think of how to express things without a “sorry” in between other words… unless you’d want to become slightly pathetic and go on a tirade. In that case, any word would probably lose its meaning. Yes, I hate people repeating themselves all the time -I prefer one-word conversations, where that one word is meaningful, than hours and hours talking around the same old concept. Even if I have a thing for listening to people’s monologues… anyway.

Then, tonight, a person I know (I could have known him better in these months, I guess. For many reasons I have not, though) apologised to me. Well, kind of apologised -he did not pronounce The Word. This insignificant fact (omission?) clearly sent my wandering mind to nebulous and tortuous paths of thought (lol but does this sentence even make sense in any current language?, I remember reading something similar in Woolf…), back to the whole idea of “sorry”. 

I mean. Is the rhetoric implied in sentences like “There’s no turning back”/”I’ll forgive but not forget”/”You cannot adjust everything with a word”/”You could have thought about it before”/… just, well, rhetoric? How do you distinguish between a childish “I’m sorry” said just because it would be the right thing to do (even if you are not the “right” type of person) and an heartfelt apology which cannot be expressed in many more words because it would lose its sincerity or become a tirade?

On the one hand, one would think we should all just be cautious and never believe any “sorry” until it’s proven -with facts- that it was genuine. Or just never say “sorry”, so we wouldn’t have the problem in the first place. On the other hand, this would just mess up everything so much more than a few fake apologies which leave doubt on one side and casualness on the other…

What are my conclusions?, I don’t have any.                                                                                This is probably the single crappiest blog post you’ll ever come across, and most surely my worst so far -I feel like I am entitled to it: it’s the beginning of this blog, it’s two and a half am and I’ve been awake for over 20 hours now spinning around like a headless chicken, and I could not not write down something about it.  So I won’t even apologise about it, I am perfectly happy with having done this post -I do apologise for grammar/lexicon/general mistakes though, those are entirely my fault for not having the willpower to proofread the post properly. Sorry about that!

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